I’ve lost the game.


I’ve grown cold,
icy veins,
now hold the reins,
to who I am.

I’ve grown numb,
forever lost,
in the lifeless shell,
I have become.

I’ve lost the game,
played my heart,
too early at the start,
turning love into pain.

I’ve failed to break,
the chains you’ve made,
my heart left with you,
this nocturnal ache is,
the only one who stayed.

I am a prisoner,
to what I was,
I am eternally cursed,
by what we were.

I’m slowly dying,
even though,
I’ve stopped crying,
a long time ago.

No one else but love to blame,
to change the rules is way too late,
the game is over,
I’ve sealed my fate.

About this poem:

This is more of a rant actually. I don’t know, I can’t say much about this at this point. It’s just something I needed to get off my chest, something unfinished came up recently and I don’t know how to deal with it other than writing about it. Anyways..

Enjoy the holidays,


Categories: PoetryTags: , , , , ,


  1. This is poignant. Makes me wish I could ease the ache.
    I want to tell you that eternally may not be true, may only be true until you realise it isn’t.

    You are awfully young to be feeling like this, and thinking about eternity. I almost want to dismiss it as being the impetuosity of youth, thinking things can’t change, when my old(er) age taught me that time is a funny thing that can change many things we thought were immutable.

    But I also know that you are an old soul, and you may be right, in a way. I hope for you you aren’t.

    I can only offer my hand to hold and my friendship to hold onto.

    Sending you love, lots of it, and wishing you to find the way to your true love, once more. That old love, or a new one, I don’t know. I just wish you lots of happiness, love, peace most of all.

    Ich wünsche Dir frohe Weihnachten, und einen guten Rutsch ins neue Jahr. Möge es Dir alles bringen, was Du Dir wünschst.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dearest Dawn, one thing I know for sure, which is that I am going to be eternally thankful for your presence in my life. You’re a precious soul and I love that we were able to connect in this life.
      Maybe I am an old soul. I have thought about this many times, starting from a very very young age you know? I’ve always loved to be philosophical, even as a child. Sadly there was no one around who understood or even engaged with me on that level, my level, it’s always been put off as nonsense by family and previous friends.
      When I joined here in 2013, I finally felt I had a way to be free and express my mind, feed my soul and just connect to others. I don’t know how, but I’m sure my life would be quite different without my blog. My blog is so precious to me, not because the likes I get or whatsoever. Numbers have always bored me and I couldn’t care less about them. I’m sure any math teacher of mine would blindly agree. This place here, it’s a collection of memories of different stages of my life. Some even provide great advice in the comments, much of it is yours. I am just really really thankful for YOU Dawn. I wish, I could print out the entire blog (including the comments) and make it into a book for me. So, that one day, when I’m old, I can go grab it, sit in my rocking chair on the porch of my house, read it and smile. 🙂

      Danke dir. Ich wuensche dir auch alles alles Gute meine Liebe. Ich hoffe du hattest schoene Feiertage und hattest eine angenehme und liebevolle Zeit mit deiner Familie. Hab dich lieb. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • I am thankful that I got to meet so many wonderful people when I started to write 3 years ago.

        I too find comfort at times, reading back on things I wrote. It helps me see where I used to be, appreciate more where I now stand.

        I used to care about numbers, a little bit at least, never hugely, but it helped me realise that what I was doing, writing this all down, was helpful or worthy for others as well. It helped me realise that *I* was worthy of interest. Never enough that I was willing to compromise who I am, but enough that I felt happy when I saw the numbers rise a little, and went to look at them every day at least.

        Now, my blog is private, and I couldn’t care less about numbers.

        What has always interested me much more was the exchanges I got with the people who read me and whom I read. You in particular.

        I do believe that you are an old soul. Let’s say it’s the witch in me who can sense it 😉
        I was like you as a child, always interested in adult conversations. I guess this didn’t help me not being depressed, because from a very young age I could see all the things we, as humans, do to the detriment of our species, our planet and all the other living things around us. When I was in my early 20s, I felt despair, thinking that, whatever we do to try and fix a problem, we’re creating a new one. Now, being older, I have more faith that we can find solutions. I guess I have decided to be an optimist because if anything is going to change the world, it’s people who spread love, and I want to work on improving the world around me.

        As for the collection of memories… I hope, first of all, that you save it regularly. You need to ask WP to send you a link with all the data in your blog, so that, if ever it were to disappear, you would still have a trace of all your work and your life.
        And then… making it into a book is totally feasible. I know people who asked someone to write their Grandma’s story and put it into a book. I know people who publish books. I can ask them how.

        I do hope that you get the vision you have of being old, sitting in your rocking chair and reading your book. This is a beautiful image!

        Meine Feiertage waren angenehm (also, ja, die meisten Zeit). Ich kann mich nicht daran erinnern, wann wir solch eine gute Zeit zusammen verbracht haben, als dieses Jahr mit meiner Mutter und Großmutter, für was als unser Weihnachten passte. Die Möglichkeit, daß es das letzte Wiehnachten sei, das wir zusamment verbringen werden, hatte sicherlich was damit zu tun. Hab dich auch lieb! 🙂


  2. These “rants” are the best kind of therapy. Practically everything I post is a rant! 😛 Be well brother!

    Liked by 1 person

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