Hopeless escape.


Hot streams of blood are rushing into my head.
White noise is all I hear in my ears.
My thoughts are completely blank and yet,
so focused on this one,
this one single thought that lurks somewhere in the gloom of my mind.
Awaiting eagerly for the final drop of insufferableness,
causing the affluent fountain in my chest to finally overflow.

On the inside, I am screaming.
I am screaming at the top of my lungs, as loudly as I can and beyond, but
nobody can hear those splitting screams, except me.
Nobody even suspects a thing.
I keep pretending to get along with this charade,
to fit in.
But I know: I don’t!

Every fiber of my body,
of my being,
desperately wants to get out,
to escape,
to flee.
My soul yearns for nothing more than to leave it all behind.
I can’t carry it with me,
if I want to survive.

No further can I live my life like this.
Already too many years have ticked away,
too many tears have been wasted your way,
and too many chances have drifted away.
Away! They’re all away!!
I need to run away,
before it’s too late. I need to run and hide,
before you’ll suck me dry.

Now, I’m waiting. Patiently waiting,
for a reply, instructions, a solution, a sign.
So, go ahead,
hit me with one shot, one gun shot:
BAM!!!
Still, here I am!
Waiting,
for my moment to take a deep breath and sigh,
to wave the past goodbye and eventually say hello,
to my new own life.

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Categories: PoetryTags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

5 comments

  1. Brilliant story-telling šŸ™‚

    Like

  2. Very close to how I feel about my exploding anxiety filled head

    Liked by 1 person

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